17 Popular Myths About Strippers, Busted

This girl is the real deal. Thanks for Myth Busting Isabel Kennedy!

Thought Catalog

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We make $1000/night, and lead glamorous lives of luxury

Yes and no. Talking averages here, that is incorrect. It’s 2014, and last time I checked, the world hasn’t recovered from the global recession. Spending money on a stripper is a luxury expense, not a mandatory one, like your light bill. Dancers are working longer hours and more shifts than a decade ago, because it’s like that now. Respect the hustle. I’d say that on average, strippers are making between $150-400/night nationwide, but there are no figures out there to validate this. Of course there are nights where sometimes we make a LOTTTT, but it’s rare. Also, take into account all the times a dancer works her entire shift, and leaves with $30, or nothing, due to “house fees” and tip out. We’ll get to this later. It’s commonplace.

We aren’t in school or don’t REALLY have a degree because…

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My Strip Club Bullying Nightmare…

My Strip Club Bullying Nightmare

I saw this article on salon about a woman who was bullied in the course of her work day as an exotic dancer. I just shrugged and thought her situation wasn’t all that bad considering what I’ve experienced in my years in the club. She wasn’t drugged or poisoned or physically assaulted. She wasn’t publicly humiliated by management. She wasn’t drummed out by the staff and dancers. No cops or ambulances were ever called. And she managed to make a successful business despite an initial hazing.

When exotic dancers set their mind to taking out a coworker, there is no way this woman could have been a top earner for long. Eventually she would have to find somewhere else to work, or starve. For the most part, when a stripper doesn’t quite gel with her environment, management will take her off the schedule before the other girls set about “convincing” her that she should work somewhere else.

Since sex work is so marginalized, there isn’t a lot of recourse when this kind of work place harassment occurs. Many club managers don’t care what their dancers think of each other and will let the situation work itself out.

I will take this moment to describe the most horrific bullying I’ve seen while working.

I used to work at a small club in rural Montana. A bartender got a bee in her bonnet about the girls she worked with. Mind you, she was not willing to get on the stage herself, but she had some serious jealousy about the kind of income these girls were making. She would regularly steal from the dancers when tallying up the lap dance sheets at the end of the night. If a dancer wasn’t good at managing her time or money, this bartender would make a clerical error in her own favor.

If a dancer had a moment of “Wait a minute, I thought I did a lot more dances than that?” but didn’t have proof of the number, the owner would always side with the bartender. Especially if the dancers were drinking.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that this particular bartender was stealing from the dancers. The girls cut off her cash flow, by keeping a visible tally sheet of all dances sold so that there was no argument at the end of the shift.

As you can imagine, this bully of a bartender was not pleased with her now reduced income and began actively trying to convince customers to NOT buy dances. Not that it worked. If something the customers want is for sale, why would they not buy it because a bartender didn’t want them to?

Eventually, she got frustrated enough to poison the dancer’s drinking water. I wish I was joking. She put Visine eye drops into the communal water cooler that both dancers and customers drank from. The reaction wasn’t what she expected, probably after watching the movie “Wedding Crashers” where the Visine prank created hilarious diarrhea and vomiting, but seemed otherwise harmless. In real life, people feel like they are having a heart attack and this situation can be complicated by other substances the person may have ingested such as alcohol or prescription medications.

None of the dancers got sick, but a customer left the bar on a gurney from drinking from the poisoned water. He made a full recovery, but spent a couple of days in the hospital due to being poisoned. When the doctors suggested that the customer was likely poisoned from consuming a spiked drink, the police reviewed the security tapes and there she was, spiking the water with Visine.

The bartender got fired and arrested for poisoning someone. You can rest assured that she’ll not be serving drinks again any time soon.

Yes, this kind of work place bullying is common in strip clubs. Just be glad that it isn’t the Zombie Apocalypse.

Kinky Boots

Relax Your Face ... the Blog

Not content to enjoy the promising messages I’ve been getting in response to my newly-reactivated OKCupid profile (this week’s winner: “The ghost in me wants to have a foursome with the ghost in you”), I crawled on over to FetLife, which claims to be “the world’s most popular FREE social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities.” I’m certainly kink-friendly, and I figure I’ll get less of the boring vanilla bro-tripe that OKC is vomiting at me hourly. (“Are you into younger guys?” “I’m going to be in town for a conference…” “Your [sic] gorgeous.”)

Irritatingly enough, however, all of the choices to define my “Role” on FetLife are bondage/submission or otherwise master/slave-y type personas except “Other.” Other? It seems like “Good Giving & Game individual who seeks same” would merit more than a choice of “Other” … is “equal partner in whatever kink you’ve got” such…

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A Plague is Sweeping Our Nation

o-EBOLA-VIRUS-facebookIn the news today you can get plenty of information about how Ebola is spreading, how we lack protocols, how we should lock down our borders.

In fact, only one person has died of Ebola in the US to date.

The plague that no one wants to address killed more than 30,000 Americans in 2013. Of those deaths, 50% were between the ages of 18-35. One third of the victims were under the age of 20.

You can probably guess that I’m talking about gun violence. You see it on the news every day. Maybe your child has been involved in a school lock down at some point due to gun violence.

Tonight I will be performing at a club that lost a bouncer to gun violence last January. Some reading this will have an attitude about the fact that the shooting took place inside a strip club, but the fact is the location didn’t matter to the gunman. It was gang activity that happened to stumble into this particular building.

So instead of spending so much energy worrying about how to protect yourself from Ebola, maybe you should consider how to protect yourself and your children from gun violence. In the USA your chances of dying from Ebola (so far) are 1 in 360 million.

Your chance of dying from gun violence is 1 in 300. Please feel free to commence your own personal freak out.

 

 

Miss Exotic Oregon 2015 (NSFW)

20141012_124738Ten years ago, I participated in the Miss Nude Oregon (now called Miss Exotic Oregon) contest and managed to take home 1st runner up. It was a lot of fun putting together the shows, creating the costumes, walking onto the stage in a packed house, and walking away with a trophy in what I assumed was a rigged contest. I’m  sure the grand prize was going to a dancer who was currently working at the club that sponsored the contest, and knew that 1st runner up would be the best I could possibly get as a visiting dancer.

When I got 1st runner up in Miss Nude Oregon 2004, it was my proudest professional moment. It still is. Just imagine answering that question honestly in a job interview…

“Well, Bob, since you asked what I feel was my greatest professional accomplishment, I’ll have to go with getting 1st runner up in the Miss Nude Oregon Pageant in 2004. I hand crafted my costumes, edited my own music, created a fan base and a following for the event. I brought my A game to the show. I entertained and delighted the audience. Not only did I beat out dozens of other performers, I was currently employed at a competing club. A club, which I should add, had a rivalry to the hosting venue that was well known in the industry.

“I managed all of this while touring strip clubs in the western US. I had a booking just 24 hours after the event in Las Vegas, NV and managed to make my booking on time and with enthusiasm.”

I’m sure that would go over well for an Administrative Assistant position, hehe.

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I lived in Springfield, Oregon at the time, so there was no way I could work regularly at the Portland area club who owned the contest. I didn’t care. I wanted the experience of competing with other women in my industry and the experience of having carte blanche to create an interesting show. Having been a performer in revue shows in the past, I was perfectly prepared to bring a strip show that can wow the audience. It was quite the rush!

It wasn’t long after I competed in Miss Nude Oregon 2004 that I began experiencing an epic level of burnout as a Stripper. By 2006, I just couldn’t make myself go into work anymore. The thought of dealing with one more drunk who wants to know what he’s going to get for his money before laying that $1 on the stage was enough for me to just pack my shit and go home. I’d had it. The years of being verbally picked apart for my appearance, my attitude, my style, and basically my very essence was enough to hang up the platform shoes permanently.

My last club shift was New Years Eve, 2006/07. I hadn’t planned things that way. In fact I was going to “take a break” and then come back to dancing in a couple of weeks. I had a day job at that point and didn’t need the money from dancing to support myself any longer. Weeks turned into months. By New Years Eve 2007/08 I had made a mental note that a year had passed since I’d danced. I shrugged and decided that it may be time to get rid of all my dance gear.

I packed up boxes of costumes and shoes and rhinestone jewelry. I saved a few favorite items and sold the rest on eBay. And that was the end of my career as Paris Love.

That first year away from dancing I slogged through a debilitating depression. My job allowed me to work at home using my phone and computer, so there was no reason to ever leave the house. My doctor prescribed meds, but they did less than nothing. In fact, I became a recluse while medicated. I switched to marijuana instead of Prozac, and was a bit more functional.

Life went on. I hated the town I lived in, and due to the real estate bubble I was unable to sell my house and move. Eventually the house sold and I moved to Portland in 2012.

I had a job, but I hated it. I quit without lining up other options. This lead me back to the exotic dancing industry when my money ran out. I could hardly believe that I was returning to the stage in my 40’s!

I had no problem getting hired at the first club I applied for. I worked the rest of the shift and went home with more money than I made in a week at my old job. Alrighty then. Back to being a stripper it shall be!

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So here I am with one last chance at this contest. I was assured by the organizer that this contest is not rigged. That clubs or dancers can’t buy 1st place. Not that I care. I’m just excited to bring an artistic esthetic to the stage. Most people would argue that stripping isn’t an art. That it has no social value. That it does nothing for the culture.

I disagree. My goal is to entertain as well as produce an emotional response in my audience. If that isn’t art, I don’t know what is.

Tonight I will do a test run of my makeup style. I will be wearing makeup over my entire body, mostly consisting of glitter.

None of this is cheap. I’m already $100’s of dollars into this contest, and still have a ways to go before I walk into the club.

In 4 days, I will walk onto the stage at Mystic in NE Portland, and see if I have what it takes. It was only 3 days ago that I decided to do this contest. Nothing like waiting until the last minute to put a feature show together to really clarify my purpose in my mind. I’m running my ass off to fabric stores and stripper stores. Then it is off to the tanning salon, the nail salon and finally the hair salon on the day of the contest. I’m working on my pole and choreography tonight at a local pole dance studio. I taught myself how to create a passable music mix with GarageBand. While learning the software, I also found I have quite the creative streak for swearing loudly while tossing headphones across the room.

I will be 45 years old before the finale of Miss Exotic Oregon 2015. This is likely my last chance at this title. Maybe it is finally time to start work on my memoirs. It’s been a helluva ride!

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